she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
