You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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