apparently the secret to your success is patron
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
