Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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