Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Pooping to opera.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
