Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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