I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
