It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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