I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
