My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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