she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
