..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
