Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
