So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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