How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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