You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
