What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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