You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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