We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize