I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
