I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
