I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
