I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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