six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
