Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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