Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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