Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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