I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
