OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
