the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
