I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
