i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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