I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
