You can't special order awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
