you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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