Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
