I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize