its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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