I'm lost and stupid without you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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