im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
