Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
