My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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