the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize
