I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
