you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
