Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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