I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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