Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
