Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
