I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
