yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
