My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
