I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
