yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
