shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
