And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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