the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
