Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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