Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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