My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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