I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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