note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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