oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
