My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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