can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
