the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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