The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
