Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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