shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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