I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this hospital has no fireball
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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