So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
