Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
