I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
